A Wasted Evening

One of the frequent pasttimes for soldiers in Iraq is to watch movies. I have watched more movies here than I think I have throughout my entire pre-Iraq life. Last night, I wasted an entire evening watching The Bodyguard. I know the movie is ten years old, at least. But I had never seen it and there weren't any other options available at the time. So I shoved it into my computer, microwaved some frozen foreign thing that I have no idea what it was, and proceeded to be entertained. I do not mean to be unkind, but in my opinion, Kevin Costner cannot act. Watching him in a movie is like watching rocks...lifeless, unemotional, boring. Opposite Mr. Costner, as the entire world knew prior to last night, but me, was Whitney Houston. Her character was a nagging, spoiled, whiny rich b-...brat...whose life was being threatened by an alleged stalker. I have to be honest. After about fifteen minutes into the movie, I was hoping that the stalker would take out both Mr. Costner and Ms. Houston. Now that would have been interesting! And just for the record, I am talking about taking out their characters in the movie. I wish no bodily harm on either one of them in reality. But alas...that was not to be the case. Instead, I sat like a zombie in front of the screen watching an hour and some change long movie that consisted of about forty minutes of Ms. Houston singing. In one scene, Ms. Houston is dragged to the middle of nowhere...it looks like Alaska in the winter time...and meets Mr. Costner's movie dad. It's supposed to be cute that he has no idea what songs her character sings or that she is even a famous singer. I thought to myself, "Don't feel bad, Pop...I have no idea what songs the real Whitney Houston sings either." What a drag. I am ready to be back home.

Love Letter From Home

My day received an unexpected lift this morning. I received a package from my wife with one of the nicest, most romantic letters I've ever read. Though I have not enjoyed being apart from my wife for this long (I left last January), there have been some valuable lessons learned:

1. My wife is my best friend.
I always knew this. But the sense of this, and the true meaning of this has been heightened to levels I could never have comprehended. Her physical absence from my life has exposed gaping holes in my daily life that cannot be filled by anyone else. So now when I say that my wife is my best friend, I mean my wife is my best friend...to the core of my soul. Hers is the presence I long to wake up to in the morning. I miss praying beside her as she lay sleeping. I miss kissing her goodbye every morning as I go to work. I miss calling her during the day from work and giving her an update on how much I love her. I miss cooking dinner for her, her cooking dinner for me, watching TV with her, doing laundry together, taking the trash up our mountainous driveway for her, seeing her pantyhose hanging from the shower curtain rail. What I miss most of all is being in her presence and talking. There is no one else that I can talk to like I can with her.

2. There is no end to the pain of being separated.
I have had a dull ache in my chest every day of my absence from home. It has never gone away. My heart has truly been torn in two, with the biggest part of it remaining at home with my wife and children. That is not to say that I have been moping around in depression, wearing a long face, sack cloth, and dumping ashes over my head. But I have always felt the separation in a physical way. And what is most interesting is that the closer I get to going home, the harder it has been to be away.

3. God is the source of strength and comfort.
As much as I rely on my wife, and I do quite a bit (she will be the first to tell you), God is ultimately the source of strength and comfort. I have had to trust Him more than I ever thought I could. To be honest, my prayer and Bible study routine was pretty pathetic until I came to Iraq. I believed and I had my core principles of faith. But it was here that I truly opened up my heart to God in a way that I have never done before. And, once again, I must acknowledge the role of my wife in this. Through the years of our marriage she has been a role model for me. She has demonstrated forgiveness, kindness, charity, and love in ways that I've never seen in another human being. She opened my eyes to the fact that God loves me and that He has forgiven me. She belives in God's grace, and she taught me His grace.

4. I am blessed far more than I deserve.
One of the false beliefs that I grew up with was the idea that you must earn God's favor. Well...I think my life is a shining example of just how ridiculous that thought process was. I took over the Apostle Paul's station as Chief Sinner a long time ago. And despite my sinfulness, God has continued to bless me abundantly. I don't need to look any further than the pictures of my children to know this truth. I am not lucky...I am blessed! The truth is, we all are blessed abundantly, regardless of our social class. None of us deserve what we have been given. I think this is true especially of Americans and the Western World. This is not something to feel guilty about or rue. It is something to rejoice in and be glad. I do not know why God has smiled on the West so much. Perhaps I will take that on in another post some day. It is an interesting thought.

5. Home is where my heart is!
I belong with my wife and kids. They are gifts from God and I treasure them beyond words. My most important roles in life are husband and father. Everything else I do is trivial. Within these two roles, God has encompassed all of my duties as His servant...all of my duties.

A Desert in the Desert

Last week I spoke about how a Church can be an oasis in the desert if love is the foundation of the body. For two Sunday's in a row now I have been treated to an explanation of how a proper worship service is to be conducted, with an emphasis on why God forbids instrumental music during His worship. This is a classic case of where a denomination, (that claims to be non-denominational by the way) that purports to speak where the Bible speaks and is silent where it is silent, very vocally creates a forbidden practice simply because the Bible does not even mention it. This particular non-denominational denomination very much speaks on an issue where the Bible is completely silent.

Be that as it may, I respect this Church and its members tremendously. I have refused to impose my beliefs on any member of this assembly because I know where they stand. I am not sure where Christ stands on this, but I am pretty sure I am regarded as a guest, or a visitor from out of town. Which is kind of funny since we are all visitors from out of town! The point is, I am not there to argue. I am there to worship God. I have come to hear and study the word of God. But, unfortunately, rather than being regarded as a fellow Christian, I am looked upon as as someone who is lost and astray.

Now I will grant you...I am a sinner of the first-rate. I am not proud of that fact. But I accepted Christ as my Savior a long time ago. And as far as I can tell from the scripture, Christ's blood will continue to wash away my sins until I crossover into Paradise.

This past Sunday, something occurred that demonstrated the absolute folly of legalism in a Church. It was time for the communion. One of those most adamant about saving my soul from the evils of instrumental music announced there would be no Lord's Supper tonight. I was very disappointed because nothing draws me nearer to Christ than the partaking of the Lord's Supper. He added that there was no grape juice. So I asked, "did you ask the Chaplain for wine?"

There was a pregnant pause, and the zealous brother said, "I have a thing about using wine for the Lord's Supper."

So I said, "Well, I don't and there may be others here who don't. I'll go ask."

Sure enough, there was wine. So the Chaplain's assistant brought it in and poured cups for all of us and left. We partook of the Lord's Supper and it was the highlight of the worship service for me. I was able to experience the blood and body of Christ with the instruments that were wholly biblical...real wine and real unleavened bread.

I find it alarming that someone would take it upon himself to deny his other brothers in Christ the opportunity to become one with Christ because of his personal prejudice. He was willing to sacrifice the most important part of our being there for his own personal reasons. This brother is a good man. I know he is full of love and he is trying to do the right thing. But when rules and regulations become the focal point of your faith, you tend to lose sight of the really important things about Jesus Christ. You forget about mercy, grace, forgiveness, kindness, and...freedom.

Please do not misunderstand me. I do not mean the freedom to sin. I do not mean the freedom to worship as we see fit. God has given us a pretty good outline on how we are to live our lives and how we are to worship Him. But we do have freedom in Christ. We are not bound by precise codes and regulations for worship services. If the Bible is indeed silent on something, than perhaps God, in His infinite wisdom has seen fit to give us a choice. But I believe that choice is what really disturbs legalists. It should not. The simple truth is that God created man with the ability to think and choose. And as much as we may not like it, He gave us the power to choose whether or not we would serve Him.

The decision to cancel the Lord's Supper due to a personal preference, to me, is far more destructive in worship than to have some old granny plinking on a piano during the worship service she's been playing at for forty years! The Bible is indeed silent on instrumental music. But it is pretty explicit about the Lord's Supper. There isn't a whole lot of wiggle room on this one.

All of this comes back to love. The most loving part of a worship service is the Lord's Supper. There is something mystical that occurs between the partaker and Jesus Christ. When we hold that cup in our hands, and we break the bread together, we are standing or kneeling in the presence of Jesus...of GOD. Some chruches have the passing out of the bread and cup trays down to a science. They can fling them up and down the aisles in a manner that would impress an Olympian discus thrower. But when speed is the utmost concern, you remove the true purpose of the communion. It is a solemn moment. The most solemn moment in the entire service. People should have time to pray and reflect. They should be able to seek forgiveness of any brother they may have offended, before the sacrament. And yet, many churches pass out the trays like a factory line. Sometimes in the early Chruch, we read about the love feast. In the early Church, the Lord's Supper was, literally, a feast to give thanks for Christ's death and His resurrection. Now, as human beings will do, some of these feasts turned out to be drunken bachanallia's, and Paul was quick to put a stop on that practice. So over the years, the Lord's Supper has been dwindled down to a very informal event where you are offered a piece of a saltine cracker and, if you are lucky, a one ounce shot of wine. If you are not so lucky, you get the one ounce shot of grape juice.

What has happened to this blessed event, Communion? Why has it turned into such a meaningless rite of our worship service? I think the problem is that the entire sacramant has fallen prey to checking blocks on somebody's idea of a worship matrix. We do it to check blocks. How many times have those officiating over the distribution really made a point prior to breaking out in their discus teams to toss the plates around, that Christ is among us during the feast? I mean really made the point? Sure, we hear the standard communioin passages from 1Corinthians or maybe John. But how often does someone stand up there and convince you that you are in the presence of the Lord? Listen up, Church...Communion is the moment in worship where you bow before the body of Jesus Christ. It is the point where we all are to be examining our souls and making sure that we are doing this in the manner that pleases the lord. Because He is here! He is among us. He is entering our bodies through the wine (juice for those of you) and the bread.

And why is he entering us in this manner? Every Christian child should know that the wine cleanses our soul from our sins. But many adults do not know that the bread is there to give us strength to face the enemy...Satan. That is why in liturgical Churches, you will often here the statement during the Eucharist, "We realize that we take this wine and this bread for not only solace (comfort in knowing our sins are cleansed away) but for sustenance (to give us strength to face the battles that Satan will throw our way this week) It is a beautiful service that, in a pithy way, sums up the reason why Christ went to the cross. That is why we are commanded to have clear heads when we partake of the communion. We cannot be thinking that "Old Jack Ross screwed me out of a box of ten penny nails last Wednesday," as you hold your cup of wine and stare into Old Jack Ross's eyes. You must clear that thought out and pray for forgiveness for yourself and Old Jack Ross.

I have no evidence to back up what I am about to say. But I believe, with all my heart, that the primary purpose of Church gatherings was to observe the Lord's Supper. And it was to be observed in holiness and reverence. This is not a time for talking and joking in the pews. Your Lord is with you at that moment. We should be in awe that He would lower Himself to come and see us pathetic sinners. But He does come, every time we gather together.

It may seem like I dislike the folks who see me as the prodigal son. I do not. I love them and know their heart. I know they believe they are doing the work of the Lord. But they continue to miss the point that I made last Sunday.

If you do not have love, you are nothing. You may know all the ins and outs of a proper worship, but if you are teaching it and performing it in a manner that resembles a Nazi Party meeting, perhaps your methodology needs some work.

Death is a daily part of our lives here. Nearly every day a soldier dies, every day several Iraqis die, sometimes loved ones back home die. We are under stress...more stress than many of us have ever felt. The last thing that soldiers need right now, is to be told that everything they ever thought about worshiping God was wrong. Most American soldiers have some background in some form of Christianity. So even if they come from a Catholic background and walk into a non-denominational, evangelical Protestant Church, they will at least recognize the cross, the crucifixion, the virgin birth, and the salvation that came through Jesus' death.

If you feel the desire to convert this soldier from his wayward Christian background, the shotgun approach to all his alleged sins is not going to work. Love, love, love. You love him into your fold. Teach him the joys of Christ, the grace of Christ, the mercy of Christ, the forgiveness of Christ. Pick him up, hug him. Tell him he matters because Christ died for him. Feed his soul with what it needs. Put his crazy life here in Iraq in a Christian perspective. Tell him God is by his side when he is on patrol. It is simple. The Church is here to love people to Christ. It is not here to point condemning fingers at the guitar in the front of the Church. Maybe there may come a time for that, if this soldier wants to join a Church that does not use intrumental music during worship. But here in Iraq, there are more important things soldiers need to know about Christ.

And that is the mission of the Church, after all...to preach Christ and Him crucified...the greatest love story of all.

An Oasis in the Desert

Since October or November, I have been attending a small worship service that meets in the hospital chapel on our base in Iraq. I have come to love these meetings. Whenever I gather with other Christians, it is like coming to an oasis in the middle of the desert. My soul hungers and thirsts to be in the presence of Christ with other believers.

Occasionally, doctrinal differences will arise for we are not all from the same religious background. Last Sunday was one of those days. Inevitably, when something like this occurs, one or more people will lose sight of the purpose of our gathering. Instead of feeding our souls with the message of Christ, we end up bickering over interpretations of verses and trying to prove ourselves right.

I do believe that we should have standards for our faith. Some of those standards are not negotiable. As Christians, and I am about to reveal my doctrinal stance here, we must believe the following:

1. Jesus Christ was born of a virgin
2. Jesus Christ was God incarnate
3. Jesus Christ was without sin
4. Jesus Christ died on the cross and his blood cleanses our sins
5. Jesus Christ was resurrected after spending three days in the grave
6. Jesus Christ will return again
7. Jesus Christ is preparing a home for us in Heaven
8. If we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior we will have eternal life.
9. If we do not accept Jesus Christ as our Savior, we will die an eternal death
10. The marks of a Christian are love (above all else), thankfulness to God for his blessings, forgiveness that is extended to others and to ourselves, mercy, compassion, praise for God, and joy.

I am sure there are other things I could have put in number 10, but I want to run with my choices. The thing that I see missing in most doctrinal debates is love. We get so wrapped up in proving our point that we often fail to see that we destroy the person we are trying to convince.

In 1 Corinthians 13:2, Paul said:

If I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so that I can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

Listen up, Church...if you have all the knowledge in the world, if you can quote book chapter and verse on everything you believe in the Bible but you do not have love, you are nothing.

I came from a Church that was very big on literally interpreting the Bible. In fact, they were so literal in interpreting the Bible that if the Bible was silent on something, this Church would create a law condemning the behavior that was not even mentioned! The motto that was drilled in my head was, Speak where the Bible speaks, be silent where it is silent. The problem is that when you condemn a behavior that is not even mentioned, you, in effect, take a very vocal stand against it. Ergo, you are not silent where it is silent.

I am not pointing fingers at this particular Church. But my experience with it was that although the members had a solid backing in book, chapter, and verse, love was frequently absent.

It has been a hard road for me to stop thinking as I was taught when I was younger. I frequently get a knot in my stomach when I am confronted with teachings that go against the training of my youth. But last Sunday I had an epiphany. I listened to the discussion and just sat back and thought. The absence of love in the debate was so evident. And it reminded me of all the years where I attended a Church that was so wrapped in rules and regulations that it completely abandoned any pretense of loving others, including its own members.

In John 8, we have the story of the woman caught in the act of adultery. Now, I don't know about you, but adultery is one of the big sins...it is like the queen-mother of all sins. In fact, there are many self-righteous people out there that consider adultery, divorce, alcoholism, drug abuse, prostitution, etc., as unpardonable sins. People who have committed these sins are treated as pariahs in some churches. The Pharisees, obviously, felt the same way about adultery. They were about to take this woman out and stone her to death. But Jesus made a simple statement: Whichever one of you Pharisees ( you can insert Baptists, Methodists, Church of Christers, Assembly of Godders, etc., for Pharisees) is standing here with no sins, go ahead and throw the first stone. (A Major paraphrase) Then the Christ says something truly remarkable:

When Jesus stood up, He said to her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, Lord," she answered. "Neither do I condemn you," said Jesus. "Go, and from now on do not sin any more." (John 8:10-11)

Jesus did not command her to go forward in front of the synagogue and confess her sins. He did not demand that she be baptized seven times in the Jordan River. He did not tell her to perform 7 Hail Mary's. He said, in so many words, My daughter, I love you. I forgive you of your sins. Don't commit this sin any more. You don't have to be like this. You don't have to be a slave to lust, greed, and selfishness. I am giving my life for you so you can live a life of joy. And remember one thing: when you do fail again, come to me. I will forgive you again.

Obviously, I made up that paraphrase. But the Biblical record backs me up. I am sure the ministers of my youth are turning over in their graves. How can you say such a thing, Major? they may be asking. The answer is simple: that is what Christ says to me every day of my life. It is what Christ says to all Christians. When you fail, and you will, come back to me. I will forgive you again.

God is love. That means Christ is love. Our sin hurts God...to the core. When we sin, we crucify Christ again. But if we are Christians, the blood still flows, and it is still washing away the dark stains of our transgressions.

The problem with people who think they have a monopoly on Biblical orthodoxy, or Biblical truths, is that they act like Christs blood stopped flowing at Calvary. They act as if you've got one shot in your life to make yourself holy, perfect, and righteous. There is no room for error. Worse, there is no room for freedom. If you screw up...you're done. You are going to fry like a sausage in Hell (a quote from one of my favorite pastors, Dr. Larry Kalb)

But Christ brought us freedom...freedom from the Law. When you replace the Law of Moses with the Laws of the Baptist Church or the Laws of the Church of Christ, or the Laws of the Episcopalian Church, you have missed the entire message of the Crucifixion.

The message of the cross was love. God loved us so much that He sent his only Son to die on the cross so that we might have eternal life. (John 3:16, Major paraphrase).

I do not think a worship service should consist of a bunch of milquetoast sermons about love. There are hard issues that Christians must deal with. Their are issues that Christians will not agree upon. They should be talked about. That is how we grow. But if we do not start with love as the foundation of our faith, than we have nothing. It is love that will make a Church an oasis in the desert.

Thanks

Sincere thanks to my first reader who posted a comment. I greatly appreciate it!

Living A Blessed Life

Well, I have to say that two days ago, I could not have titled this post Living A Blessed Life. No, I am ashamed to say that two days ago, I was pretty much in the muck and mire of self-indulgence and self-pity. We are nearing the end of our year long tour here in Iraq. The subject of awards has been hot and heavy. It is a tough job determining who is going to get a Bronze Star, a Meritorious Service Medal, an Army Commendation Medal, etc. The normal routine is that officers and senior NCO's receive a Bronze Star for serving in a Combat Theater. That is not right. It is not just. But that is the way it is. Two days ago, I learned that I was not being put in for a Bronze Star. In truth, I did not deserve one. It is a very high award. It is not earned simply by breathing in a land where people tend to shoot at you. It is something that should be reserved for service above and beyond the call of duty. Very few people deserve this award. I have done my job well here. I have no regrets or doubts about whether my service was honorable. I vainly thought I was a shoe-in for the Bronze Star. But that was not to be the case. Decisions were made that went against this.

Of course my immediate thoughts were of those who were going to get it who did not do what I had done. Even worse, there were those on the list to receive it who benefited in no small part from the work I had done. The biggest slap in the face was the fact that work that I had done went on the narratives of soldiers to support their Bronze Star. I was pretty hurt. And my best friend, my wife, can tell you that I was hurt. The biggest pain I was feeling was that my family would be ashamed because every other officer in our unit was getting this award. I was ashamed.

I did something that I probably would not have done a year or two ago. I went to God. I knew that I was thinking selfish, childish thoughts. By the time my wife awoke and responded to my first emails (the ones that were filled with self-pity), I was already calming down. God was speaking to me and very gently teaching me a valuable lesson. And it was my best friend, my wife, who actually quoted the words of Jesus that corresponded with what God had been whispering to me all afternoon...do not store up your treasures on earth where they will corrode and be stolen. Store your treasures in heaven, where they are imperishable and cannot be stolen. Those who seek their rewards in this life shall have them. But that is the end of their reward. Those who seek their rewards in Heaven, shall have them for eternity." (The Major's paraphrase).

Not that rewards are the prime motivator for my faith. They are not. I have truly come to love God. I see now, that He has blessed me far more than I could ever deserve. And even in the struggles of life, I have come to see the loving hand of God. I was looking at the situation completely wrong. Instead of being punished, I was given an opportunity to be a blessing to someone else.

The bottom line is, my commander did not give me a medal. God gave me what I deserved. Because my medal was downgraded to a Meritorious Service Medal (it was originally going to be submitted as a Bronze Star), the opportunity opened up for another soldier, who really deserves this award, to receive one. I am very happy about this now. I know that many people will believe that I am lying. It is not normal, particularly for a Field Grade officer in the Army, to think like this. But, I am not a normal Army officer. I am a Christian. And I can see, now that the haze of selfishness has lifted, what God is doing. I sincerely think this is wonderful. And I am praying that a particular Sergeant, who I respect immensely and did a terrific job here, will get the Bronze Star that I might have received, for less cause. As hard as it is to believe, I am actually happy that God used me for this.

Later that day, I was reading a Daily Bible Reading on this site. It just so happened, that God chose one verse in that reading to continue comforting me. In fact, I think He may have been shouting at me. Not in anger, just as an exasperated Father might say, "HEY! LISTEN UP!" This is what God put before my eyes on that dreadful day (sarcasm):

Proverbs 25:27- Just as it is not good to eat too much honey, it is not good for people to think about all the honors they deserve.

It became painfully obvious to me that I was dwelling on all the honors I thought I deserved. The truth is, I deserve nothing. The very real fact of this life is that God gave everything to us. Part of Him descended to this earth to be mocked, beaten, spat upon, whipped, slashed with a cat-o-nine tails, cursed, nailed to a tree, and...to be killed. My favorite part of The Passion of the Christ was when they showed the hand of Mel Gibson driving the nail into Christ's hand. It was my favorite part because of Gibson's explanation for this. Only his hand appeared in the movie. He did this because of his conviction that he, Mel Gibson, took part in the crucifixion. (This is another Major's paraphrase) That is how I feel. I was a soldier at Calvary...I beat Jesus, I whipped Him, I nailed Him to the cross. And every time I sin, I do it all over again. I deserve nothing from God, but pain, turmoil, trials, and suffering.

And yet, that is not how God sees it. I do not know what God sees when He looks at me from above. I know what He should see...a worm, a pitiful creature. But I am pretty sure that what He sees is one of His children. He sees a child who struggles with the troubles of the world. He sees a child who struggles with the peculiarities of his personality, his passions, his selfishness. But more than that, he sees a child who loves Him and has accepted the salvation of Jesus Christ. This is how God sees all Christians. We are his children who are crowned with glory...the glory of Heaven that is awaiting us. It has taken me many years to understand this. We are God's children. Everything that happens to us is part of His plan to make us a better servant.

I took time that night and the next day to take stock of all God has done for me. Above all, He sent His Son to die in my stead. There is nothing else that can compare with this. It would be a tragedy if I did not mention that God has also given me my wife. She is my best friend. And when I was down and feeling sorry for myself, she used the words of Jesus to ease my burden. I've come away from this very insignificant event a better man.

I later wrote that my medals of honor in this life are my wife and children. I am blessed to live in a house of love with my soulmate and our offspring. My wife is my gift from God. I treasure her and value her thoughts and opinions. I am blessed because she walks beside me as we both journey through this life, making our way to our home in Heaven. I am truly living a blessed life.